II / Learning to take flight

This kind of beautifully aligned with my previous post and is a natural segment to that since a lot of it was about fear and upcoming them.

I was listening to probably my favourite podcast, That’s so retrograde on iTunes (recommended ! For anyone who is interested in anything related to wellness and has a sense humour) and their recent episode with Kelsey Patel. She was talking about how the intention for her year 2017 was ”I am enough.” For me this was not a lesson taken intentionally but this still kind of became the theme for myself as well during this year. Leading my first retreat abroad, teaching for more hours than I even have during my yoga teacher path (and to be honest probably should have for my own physical and mental health) this was something I found myself battling many times.

You see, I always have thought of myself as someone that is very comfortable with who I was and with all I was. I actually think I have my ”loner-quality” to thank for this. Even though I love the people in my life I have always found myself needing my own space after spending a lot of time with other people. Because of this quality and the social quality of my work I know many of my dear friends have suffered the lack of my presence this year. Solitude for me is a way to recharge and even a way to have fun, witch to some might sound very odd. I know for example that my boyfriend who is much more of an extrovert and actually needs the company of his friends to stay sane. (Too much time inside makes him grumpy although he probably wouldn’t admit to this.) But I was never the one to have huge friendship groups even though I admire them so much. For me it has just always felt too much. I’ve found to get the most of my relationships one-on-one weather it is friends, family or even work-vice.

But the thing is, when it comes to teaching it’s usually not one-on-one. It’s just me and (sometimes quite big) group of people. I absolutely adore my private classes because I feel I can just give so much more during those occasions, but this year I have also come to LOVE the big rooms packed to the fullest of beautiful sweaty yogis and yoginis that come to my classes. It wasn’t so much as love I felt though as it was more like a big terrifying knot in my belly when I first walked into a class of 50, fully booked.

As a teacher, any kind of teacher, you are so naked in front of the people that share the same space as you. Teaching for me holds so much feminine energy. Wanting to dive deep, wanting to take care and do this all with a sense of softness. So then there comes the shadows of using that feminine. Usually the shadows are where our fears live. How can I be enough for all these people? How can I take care and give the amount of attention to all of these people at the same time? How can I be just the right answer to everybody here? Because the answer is you can’t. Not always.

You see how easy it is to forget your everythingness and drop into the I am just one small person kind of mindset? Think of how a mother might feel if in a labour room she would hear that instead of a one baby she would be giving birth to quintet. I think this is the same terror mindset many of us have the tendency to dive in the face of societal issues like politics, climate change and veganism but that’s a whole other blog post waiting to be birthed so I won’t dive deeper into that now.

So, what would that mother do? She wouldn’t just say to the doctor ”sorry I was prepared for only the one this time so I think I’ll just keep the rest inside” would she? No. She would have to swallow her own insecurities and take all of the babies in her loving arms and do the best she could.

And that’s what I did. I faced my insecurities of not being enough (and believe me when I say as they were triggered I came in contact with so many) and started to embrace my true self I started to embrace the big groups as well. All of the energy, the power and the impact that a big group of likeminded individuals create.

And guess what I found with this? That I am enough. Of course there will be people that don’t resonate with me at the time for some reason or other but that’s okay. The grateful words, the smiles after classes, the messages. You people give me so much. So I am so grateful to you. For making me see my shadows and bringing them into the light and to the classes with me. We are all afraid sometimes to look at them and take their hand but all of that is part of the whole. The enough. They make you enough for whatever you are dreaming of. So for you my lovely friend there reading this:

You are enough. Smart enough. Pretty enough. Strong enough. You could not be more perfect.

What ever lives in the shadows. Fears, guilt, anger. Embrace all of that. Love all of that.

Kelsey Patel said that for her the word, the intention, for 2018 will be courage. I love that and I am going to hop onto that intention. Courage is what takes us from seeing our fears and being with them to actually going beyond them.

I think we could do that together yeah? Whatever it is you are battling with or are afraid of admit that to yourself and just do it. Say the things you want to say, go to the places you are dreaming of and live the the moments you deserve to experience. You my friend have enough courage inside of you, I know. This is the perfect time to do it.

So with this I am ending. To all of you. I love you. Thank you. For being here.

Namasté. Lovelies.

x

Emma